★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
Pre-Screening Review
Alien vs. Predator.
Freddy vs. Jason.
King Kong vs Godzilla (1962).
There have been many great battles documented on film, but FINALLY the world is getting the cinematic fight we all deserve -- Godzilla vs. King Kong.
You may ask us “Yo, E47, you haven’t seen the movie yet. How can you award it 7.25 stars out of 5?”
To which we reply: “Easily.”
Let’s face it. We aren’t seeing high art here. We are seeing a towering silverback punching a gigantic nuclear lizard in its stupid face. THAT IS ALL THIS IS ABOUT.
Story? NOPE.
Good acting? MAYBE.
Characters with 3 dimensions? We wouldn’t bet on it!
What we would bet on though? Pure popcorn carnage that can only be delivered from a kaiju big battle such as this. Sure, there are humans having human problems, probably driving cars too, but what will that amount to in this movie? Nothing, probably. We doubt we will remember the human aspects of this film because once again — gigantic nuclear lizard. Let’s face it, the human element of Godzilla vs. Kong is the literal equivalent of a nacho chip scooping some salsa. The chip may be enjoyable, but we are really just using it as a vehicle to get as much salsa in our mouths as is publicly acceptable. When the conceptual salsa is Godzilla and King Kong throwing fists, we want to scoop as much as we possibly can.
So yes, before we have seen the movie we are awarding an impossible 7.25/5, because sometimes we just need to see some CGI creatures beat the tar out of each other and forget the world for a few.
